Things that Carla still hasn't dealt with completely.

• Her apparent need for a life partner.
• Her sexuality.
• Her "guilt" over her failed marriage.
• Her feelings for her ex husband.
• Her "choice" of career.
• Her lack of excitement in travelling to places like San Francisco.
• Her desire to have children.
• Her desire to live in Melbourne again (her nostalgia for the place).
• Her loneliness.
• What she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Some of the big questions in Carla's life.

• In marrying and divorcing Nick, did she stuff her life up irrepairably, or was it just one more step in this evolving thing which is her life?
• Is her dislike of her career (the Law) because she doesn't respect it or because she wasn't the one who chose this career for her?
• Is Perth such a bad place to live?
• Is her fondness for Melbourne merely nostalgia for better times in her life?
• Is she afraid of growing from her thirties into her forties, alone, with no partner and with no kids?
• Was she really happier when she was in her early 20s, before Nick got involved in her life?
• Does she have any idea about what she needs in order to be happy?

Some of the things which make Carla think.

• Blogs by other girls who have gone through breakups.
• Blogs by girls in their early 20s, who are dealing with the big questions which Carla doesn't seem to have answered for herself yet.
• Older women who have made a career for themselves, are role-models for ambitious women, but who, if they let their defences down, sometimes admit that career success hasn't equaled happiness.
• Her sisters' marriage, and relationships between some of Carla's friends and their partners, which proves to Carla that faithful and dependable relationships are possible between 2 people.

Some of the things which make Carla cry.

• Watching Carla's older sister Liz walk hand in hand with her adoring husband and remembering how empty Carla's hands are.
• Running unexpectedly into Nick and Deb and their 2 kids, and remembering how Nick was once joined to her.
• The Special Two by Missy Higgins.
• The honest and insightful things which talented women write in their blogs.
• Being alone at night in an hotel room and missing her family in Melbourne and her dogs in Perth.

I'm in San Francisco. It's around midday on Sunday. It's a clear cool day, and I'm staying in my apartment.

Why am I so unexcited by being back here?