I had a short affair with a girl named Sarah when I was in my third year at university. Sorry if that shocks anyone.

I'm straight (I think - but I really should know by now, shouldn't I?). Anyway, it happened. It didn't last long, and I broke it off because I couldn't deal with a sense of guilt that was always in the background of the relationship. I broke it off badly and I hurt her. I found out later from some of my friends how much she had liked me and how much I had hurt her.

The stupid sense of guilt in having a relationship with another girl stayed with me for a few years after I broke it off. Following the break-up of my marriage (which BTW could have been used as the story-line for an episode of Seinfeld), I thought again about my relationship with Sarah and found that the guilt in having a relationship with a girl had gone. Instead, I felt - and still feel - guilt in the way that I treated Sarah. I am usually the dumpee in a relationship, rather than the dumpist; that is, I get dumped, rather than doing the dumping. So I've collected some experience in being dumped, usually badly and usually with a lot of hurt. No one should have to go through that and no one should break up with someone cruelly. The way I broke up with Sarah was cruel, unnecessary and unforgiveable.

Sarah is sweet and she is the most unselfish lover that I have known. I saw her casually at university after I broke it off, but we never had any social contact after the break up. Just before I got married, she wrote me a lovely letter wishing me every happiness in my marriage and stating her joy that I had found someone to love and to love me (little did either of us know then how my marriage would turn out). I never replied to her letter, and I never saw or heard about her again until after I was divorced and getting ready to leave Melbourne. We accidently met in Carlton about a month before I left for Perth and we had lunch together. She was as sweet as ever, but she had an unhappiness in her eyes. During that lunch we became friends again - friends, not lovers.

We would send emails to each other every few months, but I hadn't heard from her for over an year until I was back in Melbourne for Easter 2006 and met up with someone who knows Sarah. She told me the awful news that Sarah has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. The disease is in her neck and appears to be at an early stage. The prognosis sounds good, but she is undergoing chemo.

I called her the day I heard the news, but didn't see her since I was flying back to Perth. We have talked by 'phone several times since. I think our friendship is growing. From what Sarah has told me, she has not had any meaningful long term relationship and she doesn't have a partner. It depresses me that she sounds lonely at times.

It's so unfair.

Sarah is one of the sweetest and most selfless people that I know. Why does this have to happen to her?