If you are easily offended, then please read no further.

16 (year 11):  First boy kiss (strangely enough, from Nick, who I married 8 years later).

16/17 (year 12):  Awful and confusing year. Hated it. Total dork. No boys.

17/18 (gap year):  Strange year. Nothing meaningful. Kissing and cuddling and getting felt up. Still a dork.

18 (first year Uni):  First sex. At a party. Not sure if I remember his name correctly and I never saw him again. Didn't like it and was disappointed by it.

18/19 (first year Uni):  David the med student for about 6 months. I got dumped without mercy.

19/20 (second year Uni):  Lots of flirting and one night hook-ups. Casual stuff.

20 (third year Uni):  Sarah for about 2 months. Full of guilt because it was a *gay* relationship. Dumped her. Hurt her. I've been remorseful ever since (and Sarah and I are good friends now).

20/21 (third year Uni):  One night hook-ups. Nothing meaningful. 

21/22 (fourth year Uni):  Mick the post-grad for 9 months. Hot guy. (Coincidentally, he was from same town in SA where my mother grew up). I got dumped from a great height - it hurt. Took months to get over him.

22/23 (fifth year Uni):  Dan the bogan engineer from Sydney (are there any other kinds?) for about 5 months. I got dumped again. Pregnancy scare after I got dumped.

23/24 (sixth year Uni):  Concentrated on finishing degree and starting PLT. At end of year, parents encouraged me to go out with Nick.

24:  Started dating Nick and married him a few months later (against my sister's advice). Andrew was Nick's best man.

25:  3 months into marriage, discovered that Nick was screwing a Law Clerk in his office. Big argument. He promised to stop, but didn't. 2 months later had another big argument where he said "I don't understand why you're getting so upset. It's only sex. It doesn't mean anything." Left him for a while, but our families pushed us back together again.

26:  Nick still screwing other girls. Spent most of our time together arguing. He'd disappear for several nights after each argument. Left him for the last time about 18 months after we were married. I moved back to parent's house. Spent days at a time in bed crying. Took lots of time off work.

27:  Divorced Nick. Continued to cry a lot. Took lots more time off work.

28:  Nick married Deb (he had dated her before marrying me, and may have been sleeping with her while we were married). My darling Andrew kept me sane. I kept crying. Quit my job. Went to US for long holiday. 

29:  Had to get away from Melbourne. Got a job in Perth.

30:  Moved in with Terry (T) - platonic relationship. Nick and Deb's first child born.

31:  Met Greg in Perth. Enjoyable while it lasted. Good company and good sex. After 4 months, found out that he was moving back to Sydney in a week's time, but hadn't bothered to tell me. Then I discovered that he had a long-term girl-friend in Sydney who he was moving back to live with.

31:  Met Wynand, a blonde Afrikaaner mining engineer who went back to South Africa (he looks a bit like Schalk Burger). I thought about moving to Cape Town. Few months later, Wynand got engaged to a lovely South African girl.

I'll survive.